Dreams

I do things I like, have fun, be with people I miss. Then I wake up, Im in the same bed, same room, same city. Later, I'll be doing the same routine. This is not what I like, I barely have fun, and Im far from the people I miss. To add up, it's raining outside. I dont have chocolates here as well. FML.

My Haven

A lot has happened in the past few weeks. Even so, I had my room as my shell. I bought me some journal, it kind of helps to write down thoughts sometimes --especially when you have no one to talk to. Mind thinks faster than I write/type. I'm so not into details as well. But at least I can pour out some emotions that I'm not allowed to show.

I hate my self now more than ever. I still eat though (even if I don't deserve the right to), still go to work (I'm effin' punctual even), manage to not look dishevelled whatnot. I'm used to crying daily for weeks now. Weird that my eyes still give me that sting whenever tears well up. Maybe a reminder that even if I weep and mourn, I deserve all these pain.

These days I like to see me in a hospital bed, maybe then I can value my self more than I do now. It's hard to make your self be understood by giving just a little piece of information and by just giving a little pinch of emotion.

I'm sober yet I'm wasted. FML.