Started to write this one up on March 18. Haven't had enough strength to finish this at one sitting... Late post tuloy...
It has already been 2 months as I just looked at the calendar and check out how long she has been away. The other night I went home almost 12 midnight 'cause of the preparations for our seminar I remembered how things were like then when Momskie was still alive.
It has already been 2 months as I just looked at the calendar and check out how long she has been away. The other night I went home almost 12 midnight 'cause of the preparations for our seminar I remembered how things were like then when Momskie was still alive.
No one texted me to inquire what time will I be coming home... even asked where I was, who am I with... not even sent me "take care, i love you, uwi agad".
When I arrived home, my Dad was in the couch, asleep. While my sister was glued to the PC, busy with facebook. She asked how my day was, if I've eaten already, etc. Then, I headed straight to my bed and called it a day.
If mom's still here, I recalled she'd be awake the moment I'm home even if it's already late at night. She'd ask me how my day was, if I had my dinner, etc til I don't want to answer anymore because I'm too tired to even talk.
Now I'm nearing my Graduation Day in College, I miss her more. Wednesday, I was teary-eyed in the bleachers while waiting for our turn to get to the stage and perform the "routine" when I heard that "[your] parent(s)/guardian will be beside you sitting". I can remember Mom bargaining with the Lord that she'd be granted an "extension" til I graduate. But it was perfectly obvious that God wanted Mom to rest and be pain-free as she'll soon watch over me in my gala uniform and black toga on that fateful day.
If she's here now, I know she'll tell me over and over "oh, gagraduate ka na... aakyat kami ni Daddy mo sa stage". Then she'll ask me if there's any chance I'll get a special award, if not, a medal for being on the honor roll.
Days ago (it's April 2, btw), I bought a new eyeshadow trio, tried on different looks to somehow practice applying some decent "graduation" make-up because this time I don't have her to do my hair and color my face. I'm trying my best to perfect putting on make-up for my sister's sake as well.
I know I didn't say "I love you" as much as I want to... been a "pasaway", a "señorita" and a "maldita"... I know saying those 3 words now aren't going to matter. I once thought that those scenes in movies where it's "too late" just happen in silver screens. Of course now, I know better to say that it happens --when you wish things aren't too late to tell someone how much you love/value him/her, how much you'll miss him/her.
[April 12 --4 days before the BIG DAY]
Just like what I told everyone present during my Mom's eulogy, I wouldn't wish she's here. It would be way difficult for her to do things. Mom's better off in paradise than here being in an incessant pain. Though I know she'd love to be with me on the 16th. But Mom, you know, just watch over me from up there. Will you? I know you are proud of me... though I wasn't able to get what we all wanted. Things had never been the same since you've been gone. We miss you. And Ma, we all love you. P.S. I miss hugging you. :)
Now I'm nearing my Graduation Day in College, I miss her more. Wednesday, I was teary-eyed in the bleachers while waiting for our turn to get to the stage and perform the "routine" when I heard that "[your] parent(s)/guardian will be beside you sitting". I can remember Mom bargaining with the Lord that she'd be granted an "extension" til I graduate. But it was perfectly obvious that God wanted Mom to rest and be pain-free as she'll soon watch over me in my gala uniform and black toga on that fateful day.
If she's here now, I know she'll tell me over and over "oh, gagraduate ka na... aakyat kami ni Daddy mo sa stage". Then she'll ask me if there's any chance I'll get a special award, if not, a medal for being on the honor roll.
Days ago (it's April 2, btw), I bought a new eyeshadow trio, tried on different looks to somehow practice applying some decent "graduation" make-up because this time I don't have her to do my hair and color my face. I'm trying my best to perfect putting on make-up for my sister's sake as well.
I know I didn't say "I love you" as much as I want to... been a "pasaway", a "señorita" and a "maldita"... I know saying those 3 words now aren't going to matter. I once thought that those scenes in movies where it's "too late" just happen in silver screens. Of course now, I know better to say that it happens --when you wish things aren't too late to tell someone how much you love/value him/her, how much you'll miss him/her.
[April 12 --4 days before the BIG DAY]
Just like what I told everyone present during my Mom's eulogy, I wouldn't wish she's here. It would be way difficult for her to do things. Mom's better off in paradise than here being in an incessant pain. Though I know she'd love to be with me on the 16th. But Mom, you know, just watch over me from up there. Will you? I know you are proud of me... though I wasn't able to get what we all wanted. Things had never been the same since you've been gone. We miss you. And Ma, we all love you. P.S. I miss hugging you. :)
This is beautiful yet sad. I know your mom is proud of you. Congratulations on our graduation!
ReplyDeleteThis is sad yet beautiful. You really love your mom :) And you're right. She must really be proud of you :)
ReplyDelete